Touching the Sunrise

What do you most judge about yourself? Can you list five things that you appreciate about yourself? Are you certain that God couldn’t do anything but unconditionally love you?

These first days of Lent I pondered these questions. Rooted in my earliest childhood years I found events that in some way had contributed to breaking down an awareness of the absolute reality of God’s claim on my life which he had instilled in me at my Baptism. I found that as I was reflecting on these questions, I was judging myself harshly, couldn’t list even one thing that I appreciated about myself, and wasn’t deeply certain that God endlessly loved me.

Let me share with you an image.

When I consider the ways in which I try to be significant, central, satisfied, I imagine a beautiful, glistening sunshine-drenched path in front of me (outside of me) leading to a horizon of happiness that I can’t quite see but am quite sure is there. When I traced the roots of this image back to my earliest years, I discovered one particular day in which I maliciously made a statement against another person, thinking others would be proud of me, include me, want me, praise me because I had aligned myself with their values.

It didn’t happen. In fact, I was told that I was never to speak that way again.

As I pray with this wounding situation, I have to admit that my child’s heart had been filled with malicious glee at the expense of another person who became the target of my criticism. I had been sure that I would at last attain acceptance in behaving in a way that didn’t spring from my Christ-self. I was elated at the promise of at last belonging. I felt a lightness and strength and happiness.

That sunshine-drenched path that seemingly stretched before me, however, was suddenly drenched in tears, the glistening light extinguished.

As I prayerfully rested with this image it shifted, and I had a sense of walking, as a child, among the stars in the night sky. I couldn’t see around me, no goal stretched out before me, no one else’s values or ideology fascinated me with the false promise of personal significance. Yet I felt safe and a type of cosmic and divine belonging, stepping through the starry night as each star became a bridge on a path, that was being put there just for me. A path not sought. I was enjoying going step by step, unseeing, where I was led. I was blessed with a feeling of the peace of holy childlikeness.

In a veritable song of triumph, Saint Paul exclaims in Romans 8 this one reality that truly grounds our life: “Now Christ lives his life in you!” (v. 10) Yes, our bodies are dead because of the effects of sin, but the Spirit of God, the life-giving Spirit imparts life to us because we are fully accepted by God. The Spirit breathes life into us and will raise us to life, as God raised Jesus to life!

Lent is a time to refocus our attention from the flesh which suffers the effects of sin to the full acceptance that is ours because we have been enfolded by the Spirit of Jesus into the family of God (v. 14-15).

Yes the body is dead because of the effects of the original fall of Adam and Eve, as well as the sins of others who affect my life and my own sins. AND the life-giving Spirit has imparted life to me. I can taste this life if I no longer live controlled by the flesh (v. 13). The penances of Lent aren’t really about proving we have the grit to last 40 days without something we really like or doing something that we don’t normally do. Prayer, fasting, and almsgiving train us to live our lives no longer controlled by the flesh so that we can taste the abundance of life God has given us in his Son. The children of God are those who allow themselves to be led by the Spirit, who are moved by the impulses of the Holy Spirit (v. 14).

Everything I wanted in that childhood event: acceptance, association with another by talking their  values, personal value, I receive as the Spirit rises within me. The “sun-drenched path before me” suddenly becomes the Spirit’s linking my life to the Trinity when he whispers with tender affection to my heart: “You are God’s beloved child!” I have received the Spirit of adoption who has me cry out, “Abba! Father!” Sacramentally at Baptism the words, “Beloved Father!” became my joy to say, my declaration of true and everlasting belonging. I share all his treasures and will be co-glorified with Christ provided I accept as my own the suffering caused by the Spirit working in me the death of my sin and my darkness (v. 14-17). The glory of God to be revealed in us is far greater than anything we give up in this process of spiritual maturation in Christ.

Again, this glory which I have sought in external things that have pleased and flattered me, promising me a rosy future is actually bestowed on me in Christ. The whole universe is standing on tiptoe as it were, watching in the darkness to see the unveiling of God’s glory in those he has claimed for his family. The Holy Spirit takes hold of us making our destiny coincide with God’s plan. Our destiny and God’s plan are one thing. And because they are woven into one, we can trust that in every detail God is working out his perfect plan to bring good into our lives. The Lenten blessing this very morning for Wednesday of the First Week of Lent prays: “in your kindness cleanse [your people] from all sins, for if evil has no dominion over them, no trial can do them harm.” We have been called, shaped, redeemed, and empowered by the Spirit to fulfill God’s divine purpose. “For he knew all about us before we were born and he destined us from the beginning to share the likeness of his Son” (v. 29-30). In the Amplified version these verses read: “For those whom He foreknew [and loved and chose beforehand], He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son [and ultimately share in His complete sanctification], so that He would be the firstborn [the most beloved and honored] among many believers. And those whom He predestined, He also called; and those whom He called, He also justified [declared free of the guilt of sin]; and those whom He justified, He also glorified [raising them to a heavenly dignity].”

This Lent, instead of mourning all the ways in which my happy plans for personal glory have been obstructed, I’m resetting my spiritual life to focus on how God has been determined to stand with us and nothing else can stand against us. I am rejoicing in Jesus who said that nothing could snatch us out of his hands! I am carefully adjusting the lens of my heart so that I can reverently praise my Beloved Father who freely offered his Son up for us all and will certainly not withhold from us anything else he has to give.

So nothing, not even my silly vainglory, not even my wounded desires to belong, can separate me from God’s endless love. God is having me triumph overall because he made me a conqueror. His love in me is my glorious victory over everything! Nothing can separate my belonging, my sure groundedness, my absolute certainty of being loved because of his love lavished on us in Christ Jesus! (v. 35-39). Nothing. Ever. Will. Separate. Me. From. Christ.

Images Credit: Via Cathopic: Marilopz, Luis Ca, Carloscastolo

Do you feel ready to face weeks, months, perhaps years of uncertainty and anxiety as the war in Ukraine plays out before us? Are you overwhelmed? Tired?  After two years of pandemic anxiety do you feel angry that just as we were getting a respite, we are thrown once again into a dangerous situation?

I feel exhausted and not ready to be there for others, even across the world in prayer, as a Christian, as Christ. I’ve been drawn into the tragedy, the heroism, the injustice playing out in the invasion of Ukraine by Putin. I’ve been drawn into it through prayer for peace, my heart breaking for those who are hurting, transfixed by the amazing leadership of President Zelenskyy, but also burdened—and at times drowning—in feelings of fear, powerlessness, anger…. But what I want to be a person of hope. I want to be certain of the mercy that is flowing through the world even in this agony. Instead of fear, I want to think, act, and speak the love of Jesus. In these desperate days, I need support. My emotional and spiritual reserves are low.

The good, the bad, and the ugly

This invasion is being played out not only on the battlefield in Ukraine, but also in social media where President Zelenskyy is battling for everyone’s attention, everyone’s empathy, everyone’s sense of responsibility and justice, everyone’s humanity. He has rallied everyone who honors the values of human dignity, freedom, and peace around the cause of the Ukrainian people. “Glory to Ukraine!” And suddenly in the space of five days, I’ve become committed to standing with the people of a country that I never really thought much about before. I feel that I’m doing something for the future of humanity by caring about the people of Ukraine.

However, watching war play out on our computers and phones is exhausting. On social media, the Ukrainian citizens broadcast their fear and worry to a global audience as we hear explosions in the background. I feel helpless. I watch a baby sleeping at her mother’s side in a bomb shelter and I feel sad. I read conflicting information and I feel confused. I see an explosion in a civilian neighborhood and I feel angry. I see Russian military vehicles abandoned because they ran out of gas and I feel something in my heart say, “It serves them right.” And I am ashamed. I see unarmed citizens standing in front of a convoy of military vehicles driving into their city, preventing them from passing, and I feel myself wanting to cheer them on. I read the last message texted to his mother by a Russian conscript who thought he was on training exercises: “Mom… I’m afraid. We’re bombing all of the cities….” And my heart breaks. For him. And for her. And for us all.

Yes, I’m not just watching; I’m emotionally involved in this war. And so are you.

On top of that, I’m not so sure I’m happy with all that is happening within me. I know I needed to find something to support me in responding from a deeper place to the tragedy of this war, so I turned to music. I recently stumbled upon the artists Kimberly and Alberto Rivera, and I have found especially the songs on their albums From His Heart to Yours and The Father Sings so helpful. I want to share some of these with you, and I invite you to take some time for your heart.

A mini-retreat to revive your heart

So take a deep breath and let the dust settle. Let your heart receive the tender love of the Father…. There has never been a moment in time when you weren’t Mine. From the very first breath that I breathed into your spirit, you were Mine….

Close your eyes and listen to Kimberly prayerfully sing words from the Father’s heart to yours. Notice what you feel. Remember. Wonder. Rest in the Father’s heart.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

I’ve started reading the news while I am listening to the Rivera’s music. Rooted in the goodness of my God, I can hold the chaos and tragic sorrow of the world in hands uplifted in prayer. Instead of offering up prayers as if God needs me to tell him exactly what needs to happen, I remind him that he has promised to be faithful, I remember that he has been faithful to us his creation, and am absolutely certain that he will be faithful forever to us, even as the powers of evil rage.

Trusting in God, abandoning ourselves into his care for us, doesn’t preclude us caring deeply about those suffering the horrors of war in Ukraine. We can be confident in the God who holds each of us close to his heart, and at the same time deeply grieve the injustice and commit ourselves to do something to help. The difference is that we are following our heart which now rests in God’s heart. We love with the deep knowledge that we have been loved, as has everyone else in this dreadful situation. We have a message, not just anger. We are prophetic, not reactive. We are at peace and can bring peace.

Finally, as I have reflected upon the actions of Putin, I have felt deeply convicted of my own sin. Yes, maybe only in small ways perhaps, I too have used people, demanded my way, run over others to keep my place, and so on. But I know that I have been forgiven. It is this forgiveness that I believe is possible also for Mr. Putin. Fr. Alexander Laschuk, a Ukrainian Catholic priest ministering in Toronto said, “Forgiving doesn’t mean being a pushover. It means loving [adversaries] and desiring their salvation and seeing they too are created in the image of God,” Laschuk said.

“And in the specific case of Mr. Putin – this is something a lot of people obviously struggle with, even before this most recent move. But he says he is a Christian. I believe he thinks about his faith. And for me, that is something the Holy Spirit can work with. I tell people to pray for him.”

This Lent, we are challenged to take on a Christ-like love for the world, to feel toward the world as God feels. Beneath the cross, we learn to pray for the salvation of the world with Christ’s own heart. These forty days of more intense repentance and renewal will focus our prayer, self-knowledge, and repentance, as the events in the world challenge us: the heroism being displayed before us by the Ukrainians challenges us as much as the tragedy of the invasion.

Father Zacharias, a monk at the Monastery of St John the Baptist, England, assures us that the energy of prayer offered ‘in spirit and in truth’ (John 4:23) never fails or degenerates. It remains in eternity before the Lord. It may fail in its ultimate goal because people possess the divine gift of freedom which God will always safeguard. “The people loved darkness better than the light” (John 3:19). Therefore, we should not be surprised that prayer often meets with resistance. Father Zacharias writes: “Although the desired change in the spiritual state of the world does not come about, notwithstanding, this prayer checks the advance and dominion of the ‘power of darkness’ (Luke 22:53). In their prayer for the whole world, the saints become pleasing to God, and because of them, the blessing of God descends on the earth. A saint who intercedes for the world is a phenomenon of exceptional value, an ‘event’ of cosmic scale. In his person, evil suffers defeat, with beneficial consequences for the whole of humanity” (Christ, Our Way and Our Life, page 252).

Now, I can breathe again, the fresh air of the resurrection, the fragrance of the Kingdom, the hope of eternity, the promise of mercy for the world. Now, instead of my mind running in circles of fear, instead of my heart being pulled to watch the news of the war as if it were some video game or wrestling match where people cheer on the winning side or their favorite team, I can breathe in the love of the heart of Jesus for each and every human being caught up in this tragedy, can mourn the devastation of a country and it’s beautiful land as a mother mourns for her only child. Now I can believe in hope, offer hope for a future of peace because I myself have been restored in hope, filled with hope, renewed with hope. And, after all, isn’t that the highest purpose of Lent.

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

In today’s liturgy the first reading is from the Letter of James and the Gospel reading is the account of Jesus blessing the little children.

Everyone knows the proverb “It takes a village to raise a child.” It means that children need an entire community of people providing for them and engaging them constructively for those children to grow into healthy and wholesome adults.

Today’s two readings, however, have made me wonder if it is not just children who need a village to support and walk with them. Don’t we all? Don’t we even as adults have this deep sense that we need others to be with us, for us, to truly know our own worth, that we need to be welcomed by others in order to truly welcome ourselves? Looking back on the changes in my life, it was the times that I didn’t feel a safety net of people who would hold, support, care about, anoint, pray and walk with me that I seemed to shrivel inside. Some place deep within my soul knew that I needed to be in communion with others in a vulnerable, honest, mutually responsible way to feel whole, to blossom, and to eventually, in my own turn, give life to others.

What would it be like if we really knew community?

In the beginning of the reading from James, he asks: Is anyone suffering? Is anyone undergoing hardships? Ill-treated or distressed? He directs them to connect with God in the community of faith. We might know the wisdom of the world in this regard as: Are you suffering? Stay at home, crawl in bed. Or try harder, be strong, you can do it. Are you in good spirits? Treat yourself. Buy something you like. Go to the bar. Are you sick? Go to the doctor. And if there is a difficult diagnosis call your friends afterwards and ask for prayers. In other words, we live very individual lives, trying to make it on our own, seeking out our own happiness, not expecting others to be with us.

A couple stories. I know two people who took considerable time off work just to be at the service of someone who was sick and needed assistance to and from the doctor as well as a hand to hold during the scary time of “not knowing” the outcome of their treatment.

Recently I read in The Wild Edge of Sorrow the author’s experience in the village of Dano in Burkina Faso in West Africa. He tells of the practice of the villagers to come together every night in the common area of the village just to share their day with each. There was food and beer, stories, tears, laughter, rejoicing. Children were present, and played together as they ran through the adults who were welcoming each other’s lives and hearts through the narration of the day’s experiences. There was a huge sense of connection in the safe space that was created by this daily ritual for vulnerability, compassion, and cheering one another on. While there, he met a young woman, about seventeen years old, who had an extensive burn scar on her face. She wasn’t self-conscious, but seemed happy and outgoing. When he inquired about what had happened to her, he was told that her mother had thrown boiling water on her in a fit of rage. But immediately after that the village came together and let this girl know that what her mother had done was wrong and had nothing to do with her, and that she was loved and cherished by the people of the village and would always be so.

Jesus was there for other people

In the Gospel, the apostles were indignant that mothers of little children of no real significance thought they had the right to encroach upon the very important time of Jesus. The mothers wanted Jesus “to touch them.” Jesus used touch to bless, heal, include. It was an act of intimacy, an assurance that the other was being seen and was known by him, by God. Jesus was indignant that the apostles were not opening the community to include these tiny members of God’s people. How embarrassed must the mothers have felt. Humiliated. Excluded.

Jesus and James call the Church to be a communion of faith where people are there for each other, a compelling sign of hope that ultimately we are one with each other and will be there for each other, and a witness to a way of life that is truly human and truly divine.

Image Credit: Charles Lock Eastlake, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons