Touching the Sunrise

The grace we are asking of God: to discover Jesus in my own personal story so that my personal myth may be transformed in Jesus, as was that of Ignatius, that I will be disposed to hear God’s call and follow it wholeheartedly.

Horizons of the Heart is inspired by the Spiritual Exercises of St Ignatius and my own notes from my thirty-day Ignatian retreat in 2022. See an index for the whole series.

“It is through our senses that we feel the ‘touch’ within the heart (Exx 335), and then the heart expands in feelings of happiness, peace and serenity, and in a renewal of spiritual strength, along with desires to ‘move forward’ (Exx 315, 329) (Imitating Christ our Lord with the Senses: Sensing and Feeling in the Exercises: Antonio Guillen (The Way, 47/1-2 (Jan/April 2008), 225-241). St. Ignatius mentors retreatants in this form of prayer in his Spiritual Exercises.

Preparing for Prayer

Begin by relaxing. Take a deep breath, hold it, and then let it out with a sigh. As you do this several more times, intentionally relax the muscles in your face, your shoulders, your arms, your legs. Offer a quiet prayer of gratitude. Rest in your Father’s arms. 

Settling into Prayer

Ask Jesus that every aspect of this prayer will please him and will give glory to God.

Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John (Matthew 3:13).

Slowly read the passage for your meditation once. Leave some moments of silence and then read it again with the intention of entering into the story, of observing the details of what is happening. Take some time to set the stage and picture the environment in which the story takes place. I will share my own reflections simply as a prompt for your to enter into the contemplation more deeply yourself.

When praying with this passage from the Gospel of Matthew I imagined what it must have been like in the house of Nazareth as Jesus prepared to leave his mother and enter his public ministry. I had a sense of Mary looking out the window, remembering each part of the incredible life that had been hers since the Annunciation, the birth of Jesus in Bethlehem, the Flight into Egypt, the days when Jesus was lost in Jerusalem, the death of Joseph, the beautiful years Jesus and she had spent together in their home at Nazareth.

How did she feel knowing that this was all about to change?

The previous years had had a rootedness about them, and now as Jesus gathered his belongings and prepared to leave her, she was uncertain about how the future would unfold…uncertain, knowing she would be alone, but also trusting.

I watched as Jesus gave Mary his special attention in these last few days they had together in Nazareth, the last few moments. With such kindness he must have listened to her reflect on her memories. With such love and compassion he helped her to see that he truly did need to be about his Father’s business.

Let the story expand from the few verses that are recounted in Scripture to what that would have been like for Jesus or Mary, what they would have experienced or needed or felt, how they lived these events interiorly, how they expressed themselves. With your senses immerse yourself into the event. Is there any way you can be of help to them. If so, imagine yourself entering the story through these actions. Look around for a particular moment that seems to be of greater importance to you, to catch your attention.

The “particular moment” that attracted my attention was Jesus sitting under a tree eating the lunch prepared for him by his mother. He was on his way to the Jordan. He had remained in Nazareth and he had left Nazareth at the bidding of his Father. There was no guilt for having stayed hidden in the village of Nazareth for thirty years and there was no guilt now as he left.

There was only Freedom.

Flourishing under the Father’s providential care.

Fire in his heart for the mission he was embracing. The intention and the purpose of Jesus going to the Jordan.

Ask for the grace “to know Jesus intimately, to love him more intensely, and so to follow him more closely.”

Entering into the Mystery

This deeper contemplation of Jesus in the Gospels is an apprenticeship of our feelings and senses in which we are formed in such a way that we feel with Jesus, that our feelings becomes those of Jesus, and our spontaneous reactions of personal promotion and self-protection are gradually curbed and re-invented so that we spontaneously react as Jesus does.

Entering into the mystery of what we contemplate, we humbly allow Jesus to be our Master, to educate our senses and feelings according to the pattern of his own life and teachings. It is a matter of becoming saturated with Jesus’ own way of being and feeling. It is learning how to resonate with everything Jesus resonates with, as we gain this felt understanding through our contemplation, and of rejecting whatever Jesus rejects.

I asked Jesus, “How are you living this moment, Jesus?” He responded to me, “Like a child.” I sensed to the very depths of my being what Jesus is experiencing in this mystery of his life.

Entering still deeper into the mystery of Christ, allow your heart to taste, to smell, to touch the infinite gentleness and sweetness of Jesus. Allow your spirit to soak up what has been felt and known in this contemplative prayer.

As you do this your mind’s activity will fade into the background, and the mystery you are intuitively contemplating will begin to take over and engulf you, planting within your spirit an inner knowledge of the Lord.

You will at some point begin to intuitively sense the difference between the way Jesus spontaneously feels, speaks, and acts in a situation and the way you yourself feel, speak, and act in similar situations in your own life.

As I sat beside Jesus I felt his “childlike spirit”: there was a happiness about him. He enjoyed the moment, not needing to look ahead in fear, totally trusting the Father, without agenda or plan. His eyes were on the Father, waiting, receiving everything, following his direction. There was no negativity, curiosity, ugliness, inner pollution. As Child he is completely at God’s disposition.

I compare the way I often feel with the way I sense Jesus feeling in that simple act of eating his lunch before making his way to the Jordan. So far from being a child at heart, my heart can be led by fear down other paths. Yet as I sit beside Jesus, as he welcomes me to his humble repast, I sense him urging me to a willingness to lose all this…the “self” that is not completely at God’s disposition.

Rest in that awareness as Jesus helps you to resonate with what he resonates with. As you enter into his feelings and the way he uses his senses, you will gradually lose interest in your own spontaneous reactions, defenses, and self-promotions. Jesus will bring you to his way by attraction, sweetness, and beauty. He will make you feel safety, belonging, and hope.

Colloquy

Allow an image or object that encapsulates all these experiences to form in your mind. Take some time to speak with God about the meaning or significance of this object.

As I allowed the experiences of this meditation to soak into me, washing away my own spontaneous reactions with the attractive childlikeness of the heart of Jesus, the image that encapsulated them all was that of hands, friendship, freedom, the comfort of being held close in the hands of Jesus. The beauty of him wanting for me all that the Father has desired for me.

I spoke with Jesus about the meaning of this image given to me in prayer. What would be different if I took on the childlike joy of the way Jesus went about his Father’s will? If I realized that I was journeying through life hand in hand with Jesus, that as he was free and at peace so could I breathe in this freedom and peace.

Ask Jesus to show you one specific gift he wishes to give you. Receive it and remain in stillness and quietly relaxed presence under the influence of the Holy Spirit.

Reviewing the Graces of Prayer

When you finish praying, write down the main gifts and discoveries from this time of intimate contemplation. What is one concrete thing you can do to solidify these gifts in your life.